This is a spot in Arizona that i just fell in love with. Its in the canyon area of Tucson. It is just so peaceful and makes me forget about everything that i have going on in my life. Which i'm not sad to have a few moments away from. I took many cute little pics like this and couldn't decide which one to post but this one won out in the end. I want to print it out and frame it. One day i'll bring all my friends to this spot and they will understand the true beauty of it. Thats all i wan't to post. just the picture. I hope it makes you as happy as it does me :)
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Is very complicated...and emotional. I'm not going to lie on here which means i have to be honest, I've been in a depressed mind set for a while now. I try to be happy but as the day goes on and night rolls around i become sad and start thinking of things in my life that i'm unhappy about. I spend most nights alone and start thinking there is something extremely unlovable about me which sets me off onto a detailed self-judging mind set where i think about every little thing i do and say until i can possibly come up with something to explain to myself why people i love treat me the way they do. Today after spending some time with my best friend and my family I realized that i'm not as happy as i thought i was. and that i think extremely negative about almost everything in my life. My sister pointed this out to me and suggested some things to try to help get me out of this funk. So i'll be writing a list of goals, focusing on the people who care about me, and letting go of the past and am going to make myself accept that i can't change the past and i can't change how people treat me. I will be going and trying to make relationships stronger and when something i don't feel is right happens i will speak out and say what i feel because not everyone knows when they make people feel hurt. I can't move on when i'm still living in the problems from yesterday. Things that happened 5 years ago can't continue to determine what I'm doing and feeling today. I'm a little worried that my bottling up of emotions habit that i have will sneak up and bite this plan in the ass. To make this not happen i just shouldn't let it. My goals will be reached and i will be happy by september when i move away to arizona. That's my long term goal for now and i will make it come true.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Growing up is so confusing. I graduate high school get told to pay for college on my own, that if I don't get over my mother issues that I'll get kicked out. But I find a big flaw in that because if I get kicked out who will watch my brother? My mom? hahaha that would be a sight...her actually watching her own son. Now I am 18 and a college student but I live at my parents home, so do I have to ask permission to do things and go places? I have a curfew of 2am which I really think is pointless because if I'm out at 2am then why even have a curfew, if I'm out that late normally it would be safer if I just stayed put. These questions have come into my head when my best friend Tierney invited me out on her boat for the night. My mom has just got back from a month long "vacation" which she left and came back with out telling me anything, and I have been gone for a majority of the week so I have this feeling if I ask that my parents will say no because I have to spend time with my mother. BUT I really don't want to be home, my dad is working nights so it would just be my mom and brother and myself. I will go crazy. I think I'll ask and if they say no then I'll still go because I am a damn adult and there is no reason why I should be stuck at home. I have asked my dad if I could do something and he said I couldn't because I had to babysit my brother and that my baby sitting is like my rent.This happened when my mom was still in Arizona. So maybe it was a one time thing or maybe not.But the question that I still haven't answered for myself is do I have to ask permission to do things? Or do I just inform my parents of where I am going to be? All of this would go away if I just had a job and moved out.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
This is my first post! I'm not sure what I want to talk about...Oh I'll talk about swimming. My TV is on the discovery channel and its shark week and they are talking about shark attacks which reminded me of another reason swimming in oceans is creepy. Not only can you not see the bottom and its complete darkness all around you but there are also fish, SHARKS, and seaweed. Seaweed and fish are slimy and gross and I am not a fan. I think I don't like touching seaweed because I was swimming as a kid once and it scared me when I was swimming...I touched it and it got stuck in my suit I don't know why but I still can't stand touching it and freak out a bit when I do. I prefer pools or lakes to swim in. I was on my high school swim team for 4 years and since I graduated in June I don't get to go back and be a part of the swim team anymore. I swam the 500 freestyle and 100 backstroke. Two of the hardest and most unliked races the only ones that would beat them would be the 100 fly and maybe the 100 breast. But I would swim the 500 jump out swim a relay then do the 100 back. My coaches started calling me Iron woman because I gave each race my best and didn't complain about what they were asking me to do. At the beginning of last swim season I wasn't allowed to swim in the meets which really broke my heart. Swimming was and still is the only time I can completely forget about anything and everything. I have a lot of family drama which I don't feel like going into right now but when I was swimming I'd just space out and it was so peaceful. I also miss the swim meets and standing on the starting block waiting for the buzzer to go off. That's a feeling I will never forget. At the end of this month my old high school swim team will be going to Victoria, BC for the annual training trip. Now that pool is AMAZING! It's a full length pool that Olympic swimmers train in. Without the middle wall in the pool was 50 meters long, it was also the coldest pool I've ever swam in. I think once I find a job and get a car and move out I will start swimming again. I'm telling you if you are ever stressed and need to get away just go swim.