life....

Is very complicated...and emotional. I'm not going to lie on here which means i have to be honest, I've been in a depressed mind set for a while now. I try to be happy but as the day goes on and night rolls around i become sad and start thinking of things in my life that i'm unhappy about. I spend most nights alone and start thinking there is something extremely unlovable about me which sets me off onto a detailed self-judging mind set where i think about every little thing i do and say until i can possibly come up with something to explain to myself why people i love treat me the way they do. Today after spending some time with my best friend and my family I realized that i'm not as happy as i thought i was. and that i think extremely negative about almost everything in my life. My sister pointed this out to me and suggested some things to try to help get me out of this funk. So i'll be writing a list of goals, focusing on the people who care about me, and letting go of the past and am going to make myself accept that i can't change the past and i can't change how people treat me. I will be going and trying to make relationships stronger and when something i don't feel is right happens i will speak out and say what i feel because not everyone knows when they make people feel hurt. I can't move on when i'm still living in the problems from yesterday.  Things that happened 5 years ago can't continue to determine what I'm doing and feeling today. I'm a little worried that my bottling up of emotions habit that i have will sneak up and bite this plan in the ass. To make this not happen i just shouldn't let it. My goals will be reached and i will be happy by september when i move away to arizona.  That's my long term goal for now and i will make it come true.